Confirmations, Macaroni, and Pumpkins, Oh MY!

Today was StupidX's stepson's Confirmation at Church. Kay and I went, and Hubby and I gave him a card with $20 in it. I mention this cause I gotta come clean. I kinda had an ulterior motive. I wanted to prove that I was better than StupidX. I wanted to show that even though this kid is nothing to me, I gave him something and showed up for his Confirmation. Then I felt bad. Am I really the bigger person if I have to prove it using J? After the service, I quietly slipped him the card, congratulated him, and left. I later found out there was no party for him, no one from his mom's side of the family was there. His dad didn't even show up. Now, I don't know any of the family background stuff, but I did feel bad for him. This was a big day. At least I see it as a big day. It's the day when you take control of your religious life. The day when you re-affirm the promises made on your behalf at your baptism. I'm glad that I was there. I'm glad that I was able to be there for him. Even if it did start out with the wrong intentions.

There's this blog that read... I don't know how Traci found it, but she did, and I clicked it one day, and Oh My... the stuff this woman makes and blogs about is awesome! Her blog is Smitten Kitchen, and let me tell you... it all looks so incredible. Tonight, we made the Mac & Cheese that she posted. It was very easy. Only dirtied my blender, a bowl and the baking pan. Gotta love that. It was wonderfully cheesy. I think the next time I make it though, I'm going to use a smaller deeper dish... it ended up being only about an inch deep. Next time we'll see. Also, I used real cheese, but it was oily. I hate that. We used 2% milk, but whole milk cottage cheese. Was still very yummy. Hubby thinks next time we should sprinkle some bread crumbs on top... I don't know. Check her out, and try it yourself.

Tonight we did our annual pumpkin carving. It was fun, and I think we might do it on our own from now on. It was much calmer, there were no fights, and no stress. I usually end up leaving mom's with a headache. We all (except for Kay) gathered round the table, cut, scooped, and carved. The finished products are on the front step. This would be where I would post the picture and ask you to look at them and ooohhh and aaaahhh appropriately, only Hubby's digital wouldn't work. Not sure if it's the batteries, the card, or the whole thing. Either way, only film pictures and you know how I am about those... you might see the pumpkins by Easter. They did turn out really cute though. Hubby in his usual style made some elaborate thing... Nikki made a goofy face, Kyle made a simple witch and mine is a tree with a face. I'll really try to get the pictures soon. Yeah, I know, I owe you lots of pictures...

Well, I'm off to bed, gonna see if I can't get that sock finished... and spend some quiet time with Hubby. I've hardly had a chance to talk to him today. That's not good. It's funny how I could go days on end before without talking to the X and maybe that was part of our problem, but now, I miss it if Hubby and I don't talk...

Oh... and don't worry Cherie, if I'm the Karen you've tagged, I saw it... (if not, please let me know... I'll stop stressing over coming up with 10 things, LOL!) I'll try to post that in the next day or so.

Hmm... wonder what this means...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Wow... where the heck has the time gone?!

Seems like it was just Saturday, and here it is, Saturday again.

I guess that's a good thing, time flying... except I know the weekend will fly too. I would much rather have the weekends drag by.

So, lets see, what's happened this week... Not too much. Busy with work, busy with kids, busy at home.

I'm adding to my prayer list... Kim is still there, and Tammy has been there too, but I hadn't mentioned her, and now I'm adding Jill. Jill has a mass on her ovary, and a mass on her liver. We're all praying that they are just cysts. Please say a prayer, think a good thought for all of them. Every little bit helps.

Oh, and another thing... I'm not really sure I'm ready for the season to get so cold... It's pretty mild today temp wise, but when you add in the wind and gusts to 50 mph, it's a little chilly. Not to mention that it rained most of the day yesterday and all night... so it's a windy, damp chill. Lovely.

I hope you all had a great week, and that next is even better!

It was certainly a weekend...

Saturday was the RFTC. Kyle went, was "freezing" and wanted to come home, but like any mean mom, I made him stay. He walked the 5k with me, and had fun. As soon as I can, I'll post the pictures so you can see our great time. It was so nice to see all the support there. I was very inspired by the number of survivors. I'm much more confident now that Kim will really beat this. There seemed to be an echo of "Never give up" everywhere you turned. I know that Kim says that too!

After that was done, and we were back home, the kids and I were on our own for dinner since Hubby was hiking with one of the guys from work. They convinced me (didn't take much actually, since I had no idea what I felt like making) to go to Taco Bell. I'm not a huge fan of the Bell, but it'll do if I don't have to cook it. So, I didn't feel like putting on my shoes, I grabbed Hubby's slippers and jumped in the mini van. We pull up at the drive through window, and are greeted with a very chipper girl telling us that the register is down for the drive thru, and they would be happy to take our order inside. Ok... So, we pull around the building, park and Kay and I get out. For the most part, my kids are not embarassed to be seen with me. However, put on a pair of slippers, and all bets are off. So, we're in the Bell, and she won't stand next to me. LOL! Poor kid. Good thing the place wasn't really busy.

Sunday we did some running around, got some poster board for Nikki's project on Bolivia at the Dollar store. While there, Kyle spotted some stuff for a knight costume. There was a helmet, a chest plate, a sheild, some arm thingys and an axe. I have to get him a pair of black pants and a black tunic kind of shirt. I think I'm going to get him a black turtle neck that's a little long. We went to get some furniture from my aunt who is moving... we got a bunk bed for Kyle, a new microwave cart, a mirror that I'm hoping will fit over the mantle, and some other odds and ends. Oh... yeah, and a new dining room table and chairs.

I'm a little sore and stiff from all the activities, but it was a great weekend. Just wish it was longer so I could have a day to do absolutely nothing. Maybe next weekend... I doubt it though.

How was your weekend?

I'm angry.

I'm very angry.

Let me start off by saying that I need a place to vent. I know that Kim trusts her doctors with her life, and she needs to. But I'm still angry.

So, it's been a year since she found out that she has breast cancer. She has been through chemo. She has been through radiation treatments. She is on medication that makes her hands and feet burn and peel. She has lost her hair. The one thing she can't seem to lose is the cancer.

She went for CAT scans. There are slight changes in her cancer. There is a mass by her left ear. WTF!?

I'm angry because I feel as though the same doctors that Kim is trusting are not doing what they could be doing. Why have they left this beast in her body to spread and grow? Why haven't they removed the spots on her lungs. Why do they keep "trying" stuff when they could have gotten rid of it.

Please, say a prayer for strength and healing. Say a prayer that the doctors really do know what they are doing and do it well.

And, on a sort of related note. Last night, my sweet baby Kyle used $10 of his birthday money to sign up to walk with me tomorrow in the Race for the Cure. When he found out that he had to walk with me, he was fine with it. Hubby and I were talking about the registration fee, and he heard us, and came with his money. I explained to him that we would pay it. He looked at me and said "But I want to help the doctors make the medicine so that the women don't get sick." At 7 he gets it.

I'm now upping the challenge. If you have a child, visit my donation page, (follow the link below) and make a donation. Donate in your child's name. Give the same amount that Kyle did. It's painless, and if it helps 1 woman it's worth it.

Kim, you are the strongest, most incredible woman I know. Don't give up. I will be here for you if you need anything. You are my inspiration and my hero. I will pray for you every single step of that 5k walk I'm doing tomorrow. I will pray for you non-stop. I love you.





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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure.

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I guess it's to be expected...

Sometimes when you want something to happen, when it finally does, you wish it hadn't.

I suppose you're looking for an explanation to that, aren't you... Ok. I'll try to not get confusing, and I don't think it will be, but who knows. The StupidX is involved so it could get messy.

When we split up, he swore I was "stealing" his kids. That I would keep them from him and that was unacceptable. For a year (probably closer to 2 years!) we went back and forth. It started with he was going for full custody. He was going to move out and take the kids with him. When we first separated, I had no where to go, so I stayed and the kids stayed with me. I told him that it was stupid to think that the kids would move. To think that I would just move out and leave the kids when it was me that cared for them, and was there with them all the time while he was off working all the evenings and then playing pool and softball.

He pushed the issue for quite a while. Then, he realized that was not what was best for the kids, and that it would be a cold day in Hell before I let him take those kids. His next bright idea? Every other week. Yep. Uproot the kids and move them back and forth like they were a piece of property to be shoved around. And it wasn't even a normal Monday to Sunday week... it was some stupid thing like Wednesday to Tuesday. That one got blown out of the water pretty quick. Then it was some other variation for him to have them 4 days one week then 3 days the next. Um... that's worse than the every other week! I talked him out of that one fast. I had him think about what he would feel like being shoved around and not knowing where they lived. They needed a home. A stable place that was thiers. Somewhere they could be constant.

We finally settled on I have Primary Physical Custody. He asked to be able to pick them up 2 nights a week to have dinner with them and spend some time with them. Do homework with them, (cause he didn't want to miss out on the every day stuff) and just hang out. He also asked for an extra Friday so that he could be with them and put them to bed. (Cause he was missing out on that too.) I agreed to all that. We also do the typical Every other weekend.

Fast forward to now... He never takes them on his extra Friday. He picks them up usually only 1 day a week for dinner. He never helps with homework when they are there. He works on his weekends when the kids are with him. If you were a child, would you want to be there? Would you want to go to a house filled with other people that make you feel like an outsider? Because of that feeling, and the constant bickering because they wanted to spend more time with just him, my oldest doesn't go there on the weekends anymore. My middle child is beginning to go there less and less. It's also understandable. They are 16 & 13. They want to be with their friends. They want to just do whatever they want. I have always taught them that if they didn't like something, speak up. Try to come up with an agreeable solution. Try to work it out. They were hit with a battle at every turn, so they stopped trying to come to a resolution.

This coming weekend they were supposed to go camping. The oldest refused. The middlest said yes, then changed her mind and told him that she wasn't going. The youngest, who always just accepted that he needed to go, said yes, he would go. Until this morning. He told his dad he didn't want to go camping. I was proud of him for not letting him bully him into going. He tried to cajole and push. Didn't work. The boy stuck his ground. I was proud of him.

My biggest problem with them standing up for what they want? This weekend was planned around having no kids at home. Yeah, petty and whiney on my part... Maybe he'll want to walk with me in the 5k this weekend. I'll ask him. He might think it's fun!

Oh, and have you donated yet? How many times have you clicked that button over there? Just checking...


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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure.

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I don't feel like coming up with a title.

You ever have one of those days when you just don't feel like doing anything? I don't mean like you have plans to go somewhere and you don't feel like going, but like not feeling like doing ANYTHING.

I'm having one of those days.

The alarm went off, and I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to take the kids to school. I didn't want to come to work. I don't want to go home. I don't want to help with homework. I don't want dinner. I don't want to do anything. Nothing.

Could be because of all the running I did this weekend. Could be the killer headache. Maybe it's because Hubby is home today. Who knows. I think I'll go get another cup of coffee, and take a couple ibuprofen.

Oh... on a totally different note, Kyle should have gotten a 100% on his spelling test. He knew that his words were /tch/ and /ph/ words. He had them all perfect when he left for school on Friday. What happened?! He consistently left the /t/ out. one of the challenge words, "shamrock" he had down also. He spelled it "sameroke". I dont' get it.

Oh... and don't forget, the Komen MD Race for the cure is on the 21st. I'm still a bit off goal. If you'd like to donate, and don't know Kim personally, you can donate in Honor of or in Memory of your friend or family member. Either way, the cause is a good one! Go on and Ante Up! Thanks!


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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure.

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Chilly toes!

For those of you following along in the Saga of the Sock... It is no more. I had that dropped stitch, and then while checking to see whether it was time to start the toe decreases, I discovered I have big feet. Hey! Stop laughing. They have to be big, I'm tall.

Since they didn't really fit, and they were messed up, I undid all my hard work. The cat was very interested in the pile of yarn that was growing on the bed beside me. I re-balled the yarn, and cast on again.

Hopefully this one will be better.

Maybe I'll have learned to count...

We'll see...

Once I get a sock to turn out, I'm moving on to sweaters. I also saw a really pretty doily. You remember doilies don't you?

Maybe I should stick to scarves... what do you think?

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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure.

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The game of Perfection...

Do you remember that game? With the little odd shaped pieces that you had to fit in the spots before the timer went off and it popped them all out. I remember. I hated that game. I could never, ever, never get that stupid thing done before the timer ran out. Guess I was less than perfect. Aren't we all though?

So this past weekend, I did a lot of knitting... I'm really liking this knitting thing. And since I'm working on a sock, I had been really paying attention. Well, as I was going along, I noticed that my ribbing wasn't looking so great. I obviously can't count. How hard is it to knit 3, purl 1? For me, too hard I guess. Then as I was looking closer, about 6 inches back, there was a dropped stitch! How the heck did that happen? Well let me tell you, it's above the heel, so there's no way on God's green earth am I ripping all that out! I'll just have to figure something else out. (Suggestions, anyone?) Hubby is less than enthusiastic as I show him my sock every few rows. My children don't even want to look at it. Yeah, it's funny looking, but it has a sorta sock shape. Some of the women at church who saw I was knitting told me that socks were hard. They never did get socks to turn out. My sock is not perfect, but it's mine.

While sitting at the school, waiting for my oldest daughter yesterday, one of her girlfriends saw the sock. She was very excited. She loved the yarn, and the sock. Then, she asked me if I could make her a pair. I was excited. While I was seeing all the imperfections, she saw something good. Then she changed her mind... She wants leg warmers instead. I think I can do that. And hey! there's no heels in legwarmers. ;)



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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure.
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White coats...

Do you ever have those days when it seems like you are just running in place? This week has been crazy at work. My office mate has been out part of or all day every day this week. I've been dumped on by my bosses and hers! It wouldn't be so bad if I knew where her stuff was.

Things at home are getting insane. And, Hubby, when asked to do a round of musical kid drop offs, looked at me and said, "They aren't my kids." Yeah, that went over well. Let's just say that one of us, not a happy camper. It's all good though, cause he took me shoe shopping. I got a new pair of shoes for the Race for the Cure. My others weren't comfy anymore. Now I just need to get out there and break them in before the big day.

BTW... can I just mention, I signed up to the Race, and I am really excited, but I signed up on my own. I'm not part of a team. I'm an individual. I'll be there alone. I'll be there by myself. I'm a little nervous about that. I'm hoping that I'll meet some new people and that I can talk to while walking my 5k.

I just feel like at any minute, the men with the white coats will show up, and they'll put me in the room with no corners and pretty quilted walls.

Oh, and I'd like to give a little shout out to my friend. I'm not perfect either. I have more than my share of skeletons in my closet. Just know that I love you, and I'm here for you, too!


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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure. ********************************

Time flies when you're having fun...

At least I think that's what I'm having!

My sweet baby boy is 7 today. Seven. How did that happen? I remember peeing on the stick like it was yesterday. I had such mixed emotions about being pregnant. I am embarrassed to say that the first thought I had was that I didn't want to be pregnant. I cried. I was in shock.

Today, I'm very glad that I have him. He makes me laugh. He sometimes makes me angry. But he makes me laugh more. This morning, I went in and woke him for school, and he said to me, "Mom, there's a new rule, if it's your birthday, you get to stay in bed." I just cracked up. Today my little baby is 7. I don't know what I would do with out him. Does he have to grow up? Can't I keep him just the way he is now? I'm worried that when he grows up, I'll stop getting the snuggles, and the giggle fits and the hugs and kisses good-night.

After having 2 girls, and then the boy, this has been so different. There is no comparison between the 2. He is totally boy. Sports, creepy things, and cars and trucks. Boy scouts and skateboards. Treasure hunts and tumbles. Seven... He's Seven.

I often look at him and remember him as this tiny little helpless thing. Dependant on me for everything. Now, when I try to help, it's often met with, "I know how, mom. I'm not a baby." He doesn't see, he'll always be my baby. I know I have to let him do it himself. I know I have to let him stumble and make mistakes. I also know that I'll be here if he needs my help. No matter how old he gets. But today? yeah, he's 7.

I'm always amazed at how much he's changed and grown. Everyday there are still new accomplishments, and discoveries. Every day he is "er"... Smarter, funnier, taller, sillier, and maturer... (yeah, that last one is a stretch, huh?). Every day he is better. A better person, a better son. Because he's growing and learning. Because he is Kyle. While I want to keep him my baby, I also can't wait to see what he will become. What he will grow into. How proud he will make me. How happy I will be.

Happy Birthday, Lou. We all love you.


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Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Susan G. Komen - Maryland Affiliate in my Race for the Cure.
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I have a challenge for all of you...

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Here's your challenge. Click that button. Every day. Put the link for it on your blog or in your email signature.

Take a few minutes to visit this site and see what activities are taking place in your area. Sign up for a walk or a night walk, or something to help out. We MUST find a cure. Too many women are dealing with this. We need to do all we can to stop that. We need to find a way to prevent women from getting breast cancer or a way to get rid of it when they do get it. No one should suffer.

One of my dearest friends is fighting this battle. It hasn't been easy to see what she has been going through. Please help. Tell people you are helping.

When you've completed your assignment, please come back and tell me about it. I want to know how your community is helping. How are you helping? Just clicking that button is a start. You can do that, then let it grow.

I love you, Kim. Every day I pray that you will be better. Every day I pray for a cure. Every day should be Breast Cancer Awareness DAY.

**** EDITED TO ADD: I've taken my own challenge... visit my site here, and if you donate, I'll consider your challenge complete. Thanks! ****

Woo Hoo! It's a party!

Remember being a kid and the biggest thing to happen all year was your birthday party? There were all your friends, and cake and ice cream. Then there was the excitement of games, and presents. You hoped for the latest game, or doll or toy.

Then as you got older, the parties changed. Would that cute kid you had a crush on show up? Would they bring that other girl? If you were lucky, there might just be older games. Do you remember that game where you would go in the closet with a boy? What was it? 7 minutes in heaven? Ah, the excitement of a party when you're in Junior High...

Then there were the High School parties... The boys and girls... not wanting to act like they like each other. The big thing was if someone's older brother would buy beer for the party.

Then you graduate, and grow up. You have Tupperware, Pampered Chef and PartyLite parties. Then, I find out that a friend is having a party. This one... a little different than a Tupperware party. If I were going in person, I don't think I would take my mom along. Then again, she is single and she just might appreciate going. Might be able to pick up a little something to keep handy. You can see what I mean here. This ain't no little high school party. And this? Really scary. Enough said.