I guess it's to be expected...
I suppose you're looking for an explanation to that, aren't you... Ok. I'll try to not get confusing, and I don't think it will be, but who knows. The StupidX is involved so it could get messy.
When we split up, he swore I was "stealing" his kids. That I would keep them from him and that was unacceptable. For a year (probably closer to 2 years!) we went back and forth. It started with he was going for full custody. He was going to move out and take the kids with him. When we first separated, I had no where to go, so I stayed and the kids stayed with me. I told him that it was stupid to think that the kids would move. To think that I would just move out and leave the kids when it was me that cared for them, and was there with them all the time while he was off working all the evenings and then playing pool and softball.
He pushed the issue for quite a while. Then, he realized that was not what was best for the kids, and that it would be a cold day in Hell before I let him take those kids. His next bright idea? Every other week. Yep. Uproot the kids and move them back and forth like they were a piece of property to be shoved around. And it wasn't even a normal Monday to Sunday week... it was some stupid thing like Wednesday to Tuesday. That one got blown out of the water pretty quick. Then it was some other variation for him to have them 4 days one week then 3 days the next. Um... that's worse than the every other week! I talked him out of that one fast. I had him think about what he would feel like being shoved around and not knowing where they lived. They needed a home. A stable place that was thiers. Somewhere they could be constant.
We finally settled on I have Primary Physical Custody. He asked to be able to pick them up 2 nights a week to have dinner with them and spend some time with them. Do homework with them, (cause he didn't want to miss out on the every day stuff) and just hang out. He also asked for an extra Friday so that he could be with them and put them to bed. (Cause he was missing out on that too.) I agreed to all that. We also do the typical Every other weekend.
Fast forward to now... He never takes them on his extra Friday. He picks them up usually only 1 day a week for dinner. He never helps with homework when they are there. He works on his weekends when the kids are with him. If you were a child, would you want to be there? Would you want to go to a house filled with other people that make you feel like an outsider? Because of that feeling, and the constant bickering because they wanted to spend more time with just him, my oldest doesn't go there on the weekends anymore. My middle child is beginning to go there less and less. It's also understandable. They are 16 & 13. They want to be with their friends. They want to just do whatever they want. I have always taught them that if they didn't like something, speak up. Try to come up with an agreeable solution. Try to work it out. They were hit with a battle at every turn, so they stopped trying to come to a resolution.
This coming weekend they were supposed to go camping. The oldest refused. The middlest said yes, then changed her mind and told him that she wasn't going. The youngest, who always just accepted that he needed to go, said yes, he would go. Until this morning. He told his dad he didn't want to go camping. I was proud of him for not letting him bully him into going. He tried to cajole and push. Didn't work. The boy stuck his ground. I was proud of him.
My biggest problem with them standing up for what they want? This weekend was planned around having no kids at home. Yeah, petty and whiney on my part... Maybe he'll want to walk with me in the 5k this weekend. I'll ask him. He might think it's fun!
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