What's the big deal?
Almost all of those people over there on the side... I know them. They are my friends. I have even met some of them in real life. More than once!
Why then is it so hard for me to have friends in real life? I just don't get it. I mean it's not like I have some weird thing against having friends. I really don't. I had several friends in high school. My best friend and I were even friends from the 7th grade until well beyond graduation. Until her husband and my StupidX had a spat about softball, and then to keep the peace in our respective homes, we lost touch. I really miss her. But now, we have nothing in common. I have kids, she does not. She lives too far away to "run into" at the store. I really, really miss her.
Since then, I never had any really close friends. I mean I've had friends... people I've worked with, my children's friends parents, but none that I really wanted to be "best friends" with.
Now, there's a woman... She is Nikki's best friend's mom. Her son and Kyle are in the same Cub Scout Pack. She is the Tiger Leader. We are always at the same things at the same time. She is much younger than I am, but that doesn't really matter. She has other friends, but she constantly comments about how much she likes me. Nikki tells me all the time. She has even told me. Don't misunderstand. I like her, too. I'm just not sure I can have a best friend.
Somewhere, I've become odd. I always wonder what other people's motives are. Are they doing something to gain for themselves? Is there some alterior motive? Am I being used? Will I end up looking like a fool? Why do I think these things? I really don't think that people are bad. I really don't think that everyone is out to get something. I really want to be her friend, but I'm not sure how. We seem to have things in common. She's funny, and we always laugh when we're together. Our kids get along. Our Hubby's even get along. I never used to be this suspicious of people. I just don't get it.
So, what's the big deal? I don't think I remember how to be a friend in real life... Anyone got any pointers?