TV, Music and Memories...
Last night I was watching Grey's Anatomy. I watched the night before, when one of the main character's boyfriend died. I watched last night while she just lied on the bathroom floor unable to move. I know that feeling. All too well.
Lets take a trip back in time... to 1983. Yeah, I'm old. Get over it. I was a senior in high school. My best friend knew this guy... she kinda liked him. I did not. I didn't hate him or anything, he just didn't seem my type. We all hung out together, he was older so he would buy the beer. Well, from all of us always being together, I started to like him. He was smart, and funny and played guitar. Yeah, that's a big one for an 17 yo girl. He asked me out. I said yes. We were then unseparable. My parents had this rule that I was not allowed to go on a date in a car or to the drive in movies until I was 18. For my 18th birthday, he came and picked me up in his Firebird, and we went to the drive in. We saw Rocky something or other, and that movie Beastmaster, and I don't remember the 3rd one, because me? I fell asleep. No kidding. My parents did not believe me. My friends did not believe me. We dated for less than a year. We talked about getting married in a couple years, we talked about kids, we talked about forever. Our song? Every Breath You Take by the Police... do kids still have a "song"?
There was one small obstacle. His heart. He had been born with a hole between the top 2 chambers of his heart. He was to have surgery. Everyone said that yes, it was open heart surgery, but not as bad as that sounds. He had the surgery. He was in Recovery. I went to see him... even though he told me not to. We talked, I was terrified. The next day, I was on my way to visit him... I got upstairs, told the nurse who I was there to see, and she got this look. She asked me to wait a minute, and his mom came out... they walked me to this little room... it was pink and green. It was too cold. The air was blasting. That's when I went numb. My whole world seemed to just collapse around me. I couldn't think. I just sat there looking at the nurse, nodding my head... as if she were still speaking to me.
For years, I tried to replace him with the guys I dated... not very smart. The hurt, it's almost gone. Obviously, the memory isn't. I have every little trinkity thing that he gave me or that we did together... movie stubs and the like.
This morning, I heard our song. Last night, I relived it thru a character on a TV show. Some memories fade with time. I don't think I want this one to... I'm glad the pain did. But I'm glad that the spot in my heart for him is still there.