Just how do I make a cat pee in a cup?

I love my cats... I really do. BUT there are some things that make me crazy. The thing that makes me the craziest is the fact that one cat thinks she needs to claim everything as her own. She claims it by peeing on it. But, if you have cats you know it's not normal pee when they are marking something, it's Super Pee.

I called the vet. She suggested a couple things. Use an enzymatic cleaner to get rid of the smell, and some other stuff to make her not want to mark anything any more. If those don't work, she wants to put her on Prozac. Yes. My cat on Prozac. Maybe we should just up her dosage of catnip...

Oh, and they think we should collect a urine sample. Right... a urine sample. And that brings me to the title of my post... If you have any hints, I'll be glad to listen to them. I can't promise I won't laugh about them though.

One of the ways I wear my Mean Mom title proudly...

Yesterday was Nikki's birthday. Happy 14th to her! She came into my room, all perky and bouncy and just stood there staring at me... I had 7 minutes before the alarm went off. I opened one eye and looked at her. Here's what it sounded like...

Mean Mom (MM): What.
Birthday Girl (BG): Nothing.
MM: Go Away.
BG: Ok. (she doesn't move from her spot, staring at me.)
MM: Look. Just cause it's your birthday, does not mean you can annoy me.
BG: (Huge grin) You remembered! I love you, Mommy!
MM: Go away... oh, and I love you too.

Then the day progressed...

That afternoon I got a call from her:

BG: I don't want to go to cub scouts. I want to go home and open presents.
MM: What presents. You aren't getting any.
BG: Well then I want to stay home and open my cards.
MM: There was only the one from Grandpa G.
BG: Yeah, but there could be more when I get home. If I say "card" and there are more than one, I won't be able to open them all because I only said one card, not several.
MM: Whatever.
BG: If I go to scouts, will they have to sing "Happy Birthday"?
MM: Probably.
BG: I'll let you know later then.

Later that evening...

BG: I'll go to scouts.
MM: Doesn't matter to me.
BG: Guess I'll just open my cards (at that point she only had 2 to open).

At Scouts...
CubMaster (CM): There's someone celebrating a birthday.. and she's 14.
BG: (giggle and blush... a lot of blushing!)
CM: I think we should sing to her.
BG: (Still blushing walks to the front)
Cub Pack: Sings Happy Birthday
BG: Thanks, Mommy, that was fun!
MM: Any time... do you really mean that or are you being sarcastic?
BG: I really mean it.

Later that evening, at home:

Lots of scurrying to get the cake out and candles on it that she didn't think she was getting until the weekend...

Birthday Girl's Sister (BGS): I'll keep her distracted.
MM: Thanks.
Birthday Girl's Sister: Nikki, can you come upstairs with me, I want you to hear my song for Hip Hop and see this move we learned tonight.
MM: Gets the cards out, and the cake and puts candles on the cake.
BG & BGS return back to the living room.
BGS: comes into the kitchen and whispers: Should I get Doug?
MM: Yes, and then I'll call her out.
Everyone gathers just off the dining room BGS and D in the hall, Kyle and me in the kitchen.
MM: (In irritated tone) Nikki. Come here.
BG: Hang on. I'm in the middle of Veronica Mars, do you need me right now?
MM: Yes. You're on dishes and I need them done now.
BG: What?! BGS didn't have to do them on her birthday. It's not fair.
MM: Come here.
BG: (plopping remote on the coffee table, and stomping out spots me in the kitchen with the cake with candles glowing brightly): CAKE! Yeah me!
BG: Hugs MM and says: I thought I was really gonna have to do the dishes!
MM: Well....
BG: No way!

She was completely surprised by the cake and cards. It's so much fun to mess with my kids... For the oldest's birthday, she really wanted a new tv (she was using an old hand me down from one of her friends). It didn't have a remote because the friend had lost it. We wrapped the remote from her new tv, and told her that we got her a Universal Remote to use with her tv. She was crushed! I told her that Hubby had already messed with it and it was programmed for her tv, but we all made the trek up the stairs to her room... she cried when she saw the new tv.

I want to make a big deal out of birthdays. They are special days, and should be memorable.

Happy birthday Snickerdoodle! We love you!

Dirty... disgusting... filthy... lice-ridden boids... *

So, yesterday, I get this call at work. Kay is home from school and there's something making noise in the fireplace. She thinks there's a bird in there.

My solution? It found it's way down, it can turn around and head back up. (Note to self... stop at the store and get one of those thingies for the chimney.) In the meantime, don't tell Hubby... he won't know how to catch the bird, and I really don't want a mess or a bird in the house.

So, with all the stuff going on last night, I forgot about the bird, until Kay reminded me. I go over with a flashlight... I don't see anything. I don't hear anything. I open the doors, still nothing.

Let me add something here that is kind of important... I love animals. I don't want to hurt or see any get hurt. I also love me some good Hitchcock. I had nightmares about The Birds for weeks...

Ok, so since I'm not seeing any birds or hearing any birds, I close the doors, and go do my running and then hit the bed.

This morning, Kay comes to tell me that she "hears that fluttery noise" in the fireplace again. Yep, I hear it this time too, but can't see the bird. I get a towel, and try to find it to catch it and let it go outside. I open the doors, and there are 2 birds in there... Ugh... why do they always have to bring along a friend... or was this a date? You know the boy bird tells the girl about this nice warm place they go to be alone...

After much mayhem, the first bird finally gets the idea that it will NOT be staying in my house and flies out the front door.

Now, on to bird #2... this one is much smarter... well as smart as a Starling can be. It flies a couple circles around the living room, but the crazy lady waving the towel freaks it out, and it heads out the front door, too.

Let me remind you, dear readers, that I have several animals that belong in my house... 2 cats and a dog are the main ones... so while all this going on, and there is yelling and excitement from the people in the house, the dog is barking and yelping because she is in her crate and really, Really wants out so she can help, and one of the cats is looking at it like an opportunity to a gourmet meal.

Meanwhile, Kyle is in my bedroom sleeping through it all... I wish I could have.

*The Producers (1968 version)

But will he fly around the room uncontrollably?

Ok, I never claimed to be "normal" or to have "normal" kids... we are kinda crazy, and often goofy.

It's not uncommon in our house to end up in a fit of giggles at the dinner table. Or a belching contest. Yeah, we're mature too.

Anyway, here's our latest insanity installation...

Ky: Hey, mom, look at all the stickers I put on my chest. They're my tattoos.
Me: You know, that's gonna probably hurt when you pull them off...
Ky: Nuh-uh, watch (he grips the edge of one of the larger stickers and pulls... ) Look, it was on my pimple.
Me: Nipple. That's your nipple.
Ky: Oh.
Kay (sitting across the dining room table from Ky): Why's his belly button like that? It's an outie... kind of. It looks like it wants to be an innie but can't.
Ky (looks down at his belly button): What does your's look like?

This then turns into an examination/comparison of everyone's belly button. His is the only one like that...

Me: You know what belly buttons are for, right?
Ky: No. What?
Me: Well you know how when you blow up a balloon and tie a knot in it to keep the air in? Well your belly button is your knot to keep your innerds in.
Ky: (Look of disbelief...)
Kay (not one to miss an opportunity to jump in on anything... ) Yeah, see? We tuck our knots in so they don't come untied.
Ky: What will happen if it comes untied?
Me: All your guts will squirt out the hole. Please be careful. It's really hard to get them back in through that little hole.
Ky: (Staring intently at his belly button...) ALL my guts?
Kay: Yep. And trust me, it isn't pretty.

He then spent the next several minutes trying to "tuck in" his belly button.

Yeah, kids. A constant source of entertainment.

Think I should tell him we were only joking?

(See... told you I was a mean mom.)

Did you ever wonder about some of the things that people google?

I'm always humored by the ways that people find my blog... I mean there are the ones that link through from a comment that I've left, or from a group I belong to, but there are the ones that google a phrase and end up at my blog...

Here are a couple from the last few weeks...

1- "how to deal with a mean mom" - Ok, easy to see from the name of my blog that someone may think I know how to deal with a mean mom, but I don't. I *AM* the mean mom... Hope you find an answer to your question... and if all else fails, deal with her by killing her with kindness... do the dishes, do the laundry or clean your room.

2- "obnoxious children" - Ok, again, this one is pretty easy to see the link... I'm mean because my children, like all children, are sometimes obnoxious. When they become too obnoxious, threaten to make them clean something, this usually helps settle them right down.

3- "redneck barbecue cooperstown" - Really? I've been there, and there were no redneck barbecues... Maybe I was in the wrong part of town. That might have been more interesting than the Hall of Fame...

4- "terry cloth tube top" - Now this one scares me. Please tell me these are not coming back into fashion... They were scary when I was 18, I'm sure they would still be scary now. I guess because back then, I didn't have enough... top to keep the tube up.

5- "french horn circle of forths" - Could someone please explain this one to me? I have no idea...

The last one for today...

6- "moms castrating bulls" - This is one set of moms I don't know I want to meet... I mean, would you want to go hang out with these women? I bet they don't get hit on by the creepy drunk guys at the bar, though. At least not more than once.

The other thing that I've noticed, and I have conversations with others about this, are the ones that will do a google search for my exact url. If you know it to google it, why not just type it in and come here directly? Do you think there's more than one of me, and they're looking for the other one? Hmmm... that's a thought. A very frightening thought...