Yeah, I'm a Mom. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm a good enough mom... Before you all say that I am, I'm pretty sure I am... but you know, stuff happens and I wonder if I'm really doing a good job.
When I was growing up, I only had a few friends, but the ones I had were my best friends... I mean I knew lots of people, and I considered them friends, but I only had 4 friends all thru highschool, that were my best friends... We did stupid teen aged stuff together, we got into trouble, got each other out of trouble and swore we would always be friends. Wanna know where they are now? I have no idea. I run into one occasionally, and we swear we're gonna get together, but it never happens. Anyway, through all this, my mom was always there. She knew when I was in trouble, and when I needed help. I would come home from dates, and she would be waiting up, and we would sit and talk. We would laugh about what a loser he was, or she would encourage me when I thought that he was wonderful. Yeah, we had our moments, don't all mother/daughters? I remember when I was about 20, and was dating this guy that was way (as in about 15 years older) she told me that she didn't think it was a good idea, but she never really nagged about it. When we broke up, cause he was just way too old and didn't want me to have a life of my own, she was there for me to cry on. She never once told me that she told me so. We have laughed together, and cried together. The thought of her being gone one day, scares the hell out of me. I don't want to do this whole mom thing with out her. I go to her for advice, I ask her opinions, I seek her support. She lets me know, that when I was 13, I wasn't the best kid in the world either... and at 16, I was just as rebellious.
I know that she has made some mistakes, but I think all in all, we turned out ok. Some of us better than others, but hey, 3 out of 4 isn't bad... And he doesn't blame her, he blames my dad... So... I try to not make the same mistakes but sometimes it's hard. I know from being 16, that the more I tell my daughter that she is not allowed to date the 19 yo guy, the more she will want him. I also know that lying to me about who she is meeting at the mall, so that she can meet him, is unacceptable... she knows that now, too, since we drove into the lot, while discussing her being there early, and I realized who she was meeting, and we turned around and brought her home. I know that nagging will not accomplish anything. I know these things, because I was on the other end of that situation... Do I hate my mom for it? Not anymore. Is it helping me be a better mom? I hope so.
Last night, we all went out to dinner, Mom was with us. She had fun. It was like old times, after the girl's dance recital, we came home, the girls changed, and we went to dinner. We laughed, and joked, and had fun. On the way home, we were talking about something... don't even remember what, and I mentioned how much I love my mom. She knows this... I just don't say it often. I have several friends who have lost their mom, my mom has lost her mom. I can't imagine life with out her. She has always been my one constant friend. My best friend.
Mom, I love you. Thank you for teaching me how to be a mom. I couldn't ask for a better teacher.